This is my first posting this year - I want to keep this project of mine alive as long as possible. After the last one, I haven't felt that anything would quite match up to the content..but really,and it's been hard to find something I want to put here.
I've re-entered the vortex of work,where it always feels like I never stepped out onto the platform of free time. And the feeling I have is an unfamiliar one..it's one that seems to visit every four years or so. Inquietude,as the French would call it. This deep rumble from my gut that ( for once! ) has nothing to do with wanting food, but change. Routine is,and always has been, my saving grace and worst enemy. Without it, I float aimlessly through the hours, trying to convince myself that it's ok to do nothing, while my guilt raps annoyingly on my conscience telling me that I really ought to be doing something. Go for a walk, go to the gym, study something,visit somewhere new, take in some culture. But I have learnt to lie still enough for long enough and...it passes. Only to pop in again a while later. It's really rather tiring!
But while I'm in it, in that boxed little schedule that is my day,over and over again, I start to dream of days of nothing,and seem to think up hundreds of fascinating things to do to fill my time. Ooh, a make-up course! Get a personal trainer at the gym,every day and get fit! Go shopping at the market and make perfect meals! Sign up for a course and study something new and interesting,just for fun and mental jigging!
And then it's time to live the reality again and all my inspiration fizzles away into a little ball of resentment in the back of my mind. And I ask myself, "Why don't you just DO it?" And the teeny voice back there says, " Cos there's WORK to be done! "
Anyone got a word of advice for an Aries that seems to be butting her own a** with her very own horns??
Dear A** butting Aries,
ReplyDeleteInteresting to read your post cos it seems this year will see many changes for many people so your 4 year cycle seems to be right on time!!
Also interesting how you wrote this knowing what the outcome will be, as it is a cycle, yet you still go through it and let it run it's course.....maybe this time, instead of waiting for it to be over, take charge of it and do something with it. Anything.
If you choose to go the market and make perfect meals, start by doing it twice a week so it isn't a burden and you still enjoy it. I would love to be a part of that and if it helps, we can share recipes or ideas of what you can make. You can cook enough on the two nights that you have yummy, healthy stuff in your fridge AND you can save money to come visit me and do nothing but bake and swim:)
I know you've had a rough couple of months (and more dealing with me:)) and you need to take some time to get back to yourself and feel lighter. You carried an incredible amount of responsibility back home and it seemed effortless. In truth, I can't even begin to imagine how incredibly difficult and painful it must have been for you, and still may be.
You have always told me that everything happens for a reason...who knows what the ^&$^ this one was about but I guess time will tell. As far as your "inquietude"....listen to it and hear what it says and don't discount all of it right away:)
All it takes is one tiny thing to change and then you are DOING it and you can tell that teeny voice to shut the hell up! Yes, there is work to be done but you'll do it way better when you're happy:)
Not sure if any of this qualifies as advice but wanted to share it anyhoo:)
big hugs from a Leo that keeps biting itself on the a**:)
I can read you quite well..... Out of the rut and DO it.....
ReplyDeleteTo the best men in my life,
ReplyDeleteI love that you take the time and write your comments to me and to my thoughts. Woke up this morning feeling bluer and frustrated. I need to make a little plan of action.And will definitely use the words of advice and support.
Thank you.
To steal a line from one of my fave movies, Pretty Woman(and may I say the title is quite apt for you too, however the prostitute bit is not)
ReplyDelete'Work it baby, work it, own him'
I think you should take a similar approach to these blues. Just as Julia did, don't except no for an answer, get in that fast car, tell the current driver he doesn't know what he's doing and take control. Vroom, Vroom.
Big love to ya!
Hi Francesca! I can completely relate... Keep blogging away, you're a great writer as well as a teacher! I love your style! What about an author as a side project, or start writing that mockumentary about the CELTA course! It's a great idea! I was so sorry to read about what happened to you over Christmas, it really made my spine tingle, I hope you and your family will be able to put it behind you as soon as possible, and they catch the bastards that did it. I hope your well, don't get too down! Sam x
ReplyDelete