How the sweetness becomes bitter. Once the novelty of your appearance or return have worn off, those around you slot back into - or continue - their lives ... from which you have been invisible and far. The invitations die down, the questions subside,your excitement of telling others you've lived away or have been away fades and you become one, no-one, just there.
It's a lonely road this one, one where you can go absolutely anywhere and be with anyone and feel like you belong when you get wherever. And belong,even for a little.Until you realise that the road you have taken,the one you are taking is yours and yours alone. That no matter where you are or where you go,you're just a passer-by.
So you wave and keep moving,moving,moving - maybe to find someone who will say 'Hey! Stop what you're doing,don't go where you're going and stay here with me,here in my heart. I've been waiting for you.' And perhaps it's that searching that makes your heart open wider and the borders fall away faster as you reach out and smile for a kindred spirit. And then you find that often, their heart is more closed,the borders are well-guarded and you've been looking into a world of distrust,the mirror of your aloneness.
The echo of what you do and how you see the world on your journey rebounds constantly. The emptiness of the choices you've made and the loss of bonds you believed forged. The hope that this time will be different and your presence or absence will be noticed,felt.
The time slips by and you slide through the days and nights, looking,hoping,wanting to believe that you will find your place. Trying to trust that your dream is just around the corner.That you will make it,wherever you are. That someone will notice and give you a hug.Actually, even if you don't make it;that would be good.
But it may or may not ever come so you keep going,going,going and in some quiet moments of reflection you know ~Home is always where you are. No matter who is there, or not.
Do you wander-wonder too? Do tell.
It's a lonely road this one, one where you can go absolutely anywhere and be with anyone and feel like you belong when you get wherever. And belong,even for a little.Until you realise that the road you have taken,the one you are taking is yours and yours alone. That no matter where you are or where you go,you're just a passer-by.
So you wave and keep moving,moving,moving - maybe to find someone who will say 'Hey! Stop what you're doing,don't go where you're going and stay here with me,here in my heart. I've been waiting for you.' And perhaps it's that searching that makes your heart open wider and the borders fall away faster as you reach out and smile for a kindred spirit. And then you find that often, their heart is more closed,the borders are well-guarded and you've been looking into a world of distrust,the mirror of your aloneness.
The echo of what you do and how you see the world on your journey rebounds constantly. The emptiness of the choices you've made and the loss of bonds you believed forged. The hope that this time will be different and your presence or absence will be noticed,felt.
The time slips by and you slide through the days and nights, looking,hoping,wanting to believe that you will find your place. Trying to trust that your dream is just around the corner.That you will make it,wherever you are. That someone will notice and give you a hug.Actually, even if you don't make it;that would be good.
But it may or may not ever come so you keep going,going,going and in some quiet moments of reflection you know ~Home is always where you are. No matter who is there, or not.
Do you wander-wonder too? Do tell.
Neither here nor there
Invisible
Don’t you care?
No-one to miss you no-one to wonder where you are
Solitude is a plane ticket to a place
You are.
Solitude is freedom
Freedom turns empty
Loneliness becomes your soundtrack
'When are you back?' asks an empty home
'When are you back to sit here alone?'
©francesca
pelli Tbilisi, Georgia 29 july 2018
